Lick My Ass, Earl

So I thought everyone might get a kick out of the email dialogue I had with a Nigerian Scammer. These are actual emails in the actual format that they were sent and received:

EMAIL 1: From Earl to ME

United Nations Evaluation.

309 Hay's LaneLondon SE1 2HB,United Kingdom.

ATTENTION: Sir/Ma

The Company seek to greet you in the name of GOD. How have you been and how is the family? We are contacting you on behalf of the UNITED NATION EVALUATION, If you can remember you are one of the customers that are chosen in the middle of this year for a

MYSTERY SHOPPING.

The UNITED NATION have come again to offer you another opportunity as been a bonafied citizen of the united State,we notice that your earlier evaluation wasnot successful due to some suspicious notice of Scam and fraudulent acts on internet, this has made us not to complete our evaluation programs then.

Now we bring to you an opportunity as we want to en burst money to the (ORPHAN) Motherless Babies in the United State Of America and in United Kingdom.All what we need from you is just for you to receive a payment from the UNITED NATION in your favor and send out this payment to a given orphan near to your state or Community.

This could have been done directly to this Orphans but due to their underexposure and illegality this could not get to them directly.So we want you as a bonafied Citizen that your database has been check and confirmed by the United State Directory to do this.

YOUR TASK:You must have a PayPal Business Account. It is only through this medium we want to send all payment to you.Remove 10% of any fund given to you for Dispatch, as your bonus and and deduct the sending fee from the remaining balance (90%) meant for the orphanage.

OUR REQUIREMENTS:

DO YOU HAVE A PAYPAL BUSINESS ACCOUNT?(IF YES):

*PAYPAL EMAIL ADDRESS:*PAYPAL ACCOUNT TYPE:

*PAYPAL ACCOUNT LIMIT:

*YOUR FULL NAME AGAIN:

*ADDRESS:

*PHONE NUMBER:

*DO YOU HAVE A PAYPAL DEBIT CARD TO WITHDRAW MONEY INSTANTLY FROM THE PAYPAL *ACCOUNT?:

I hope you enjoy this Job Offer

Best Regards

Earl Teeter

EMAIL 2: Me to Earl

Hey Earl,

Thank you for greeting me in the name of GOD. Unfortunately, I'm a democrat so I rather enjoy being a godless heathen.

I'd love to help motherless babies, but unfortunately I've spent all of my charitable contributions for the year on pornography, especially http://www.cakefarts.com/. Also, believe it or not, I'm a "bonafied" citizen of not only one, but 50 states.

If I accept this job, do I pay taxes on it? I'm looking for a way to make rich me becuaze the new Precedent of the united State is going to take all uv my munee and give it to fucks like you.

How about you just mail me a check for $1,400,000? I will then use a portion of it to fly to Hay's Lane in the UK and kick you in the nuts.

Pip, Pip, Cheerio,

Coogaloo

EMAIL 3: From Earl to Me

Hello friend,

Thanks for getting back to me, i will like you to provide the inforamtion listed below before you can start receiving payment

*a scaned copy of the front and back of your mother's private part

*a scan copy of your fathers dick

*a complete history about how you felt when you first fuked your wife.

I hope to get reply from you soon

teeter.

EMAIL 4: From Me to Earl (or teeter.)

Hey Earl,

Before I continue with the submittal of my application, I just wanted to thank you for this fantastic opportunity. I'm really glad that I signed up for the UNITED STATE DIRECTORY. Praise be to you that not only was I selected as MYSTERY SHOPPING but that I get to help illegal ORPHANS, as well.

Anyway, I am disappointed that I have not received my $1,400,000 as of yet. If I do not receive it in the next 30 minutes, I will be forced to charge you interest at an annual rate of 17%. That means that tomorrow you will owe me $1,400,652.05.

I guess the reason that I haven't received the money is because I didn't finish my application properly. Here are the items you requested:

1) I couldn't find any pictures of my my mother's private part. I trust this will be acceptable instead. Here's a link to a picture I found of your sister: [Insert Bukake Pic of Earl's Sister]

2) It's a damn shame, but I couldn't find a picture of my father's dick either. I did find a website though that has a picture of your grandfather that I thought you might like to see: [insert link to homo sex website] I think he's the one on the left, but I could be wrong.

3) I unfortunately am divorced, but I can remember nostalgically how it felt when I 'fuked' her the first time. I actually wrote a blog about it that you can read here: [Insert Coogers First Wife Fukeing Experience]

Also, I wanted to add some additional material to get on your good side. I think I actually saw a video of you on YouTube. Is this you? Why do you like things like that? I won't judge you, but one day I hope to understand you.


So I guess you need my bank account number in order for you to deposit my $1,400652.05 (sorry your 30 minutes is up.) I bank with the Swiss Bank, the routing number is 123456789. The account number is 987654321. My real name is Mike Hunt.

Also, I am looking to sell my sofa? If you deposit my money by 15:00 tomorrow, I will ship it to you for free. Here's a picture of it. Mike Hunt's Free Sofa. I think it would fit your personality well? It'd be like one pussy getting swallowed by another. Get it? That's one of the ORPHANS favorite jokes and it really tears them up at the UNITED NATION EVALUATION.

I look forward to helping you. I really like my new job. I'm glad your company approached me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Ciao,
Coogaloo




Again, this is a 100% real email; this shit is impossible to make up. This guy need to borrow my copy of Rosetta Stone. What a choad. Also, in the actual email dialoge, there were actual websites with actual images to match the brackets. Don't lie, you'd have clicked on them all.

Till next scam,
Coo