I thought there'd be no better way to ring in the new year or February than to enlighten everyone on what is straight Bitchin and what ain't for 2009.
BITCHIN' (in no particular order)
Banana Bags - For those not in the know, these little gems are the perfect thing to bring you back after that legendary bender. I was introduced to these babies by the nurse in the ER after my most recent alcohol poisioning. I think Costco should carry these in bulk. I'd buy.
Bacon Omlets - Think about it. It must suck to live in Israel.
Strap Perfect - Possibly the best thing I've "Seen on TV" since the Clapper, which is nuclear retarded, by the way. Why weren't these ads running on TV when I was growing up. I had to settle for the lingere selection in the J.C. Penny catalog.
Johnny Cash - The legend. I'll listen to him over Pete Townshend 4 out of 5 days and 6 out of 5 if I'm drinkin'. That man was the original G.
Laundry Service - I think resort to stealing dry spaghetti to eat before I'd give up my dollars allocated to this burden buster.
ANTI-BITCHIN' (in no particular order)
Retail Sticks - What are up with these? Fashionable? I'd rank them right up there with non-rasberry berets. I can barely stand the thought of these being SOLD in a store. Hell, the pioneers would have been the most fashionable game in town if they lived in the modern day. I think I'll got out behind my house and fell a tree. Then I'm going to cut it up and dump the whole motherload of sticks, logs, stumps, and roots in my living room and proclaim it the new pink. Hold your breath...
Inline Skates - Seriously.
Pittsburg - This city really grinds my gears. It makes Flint, Michigan look like Beverly Hills. Anyone else up for sacrificing this city to the volcano gods? I don't care how many bridges it has, it sucks. So do the Steelers, my new #1 anti-bitchin team.
France - No explanation needed. Nick Sarkozy...suck it. And how did you score Carla Bruni? Ruffiecolada no doubt.
'G' - Seen these commercials? It's Gatorade. Cat's out of the bag. I can't believe Lil' Wayne would stoop to this. I had high hopes, too. Anything would be better. Satellite phones, army surplus, a travel agency specializing in Pirate seeing trips off the coast of Somalia...This sucks and I will not be drinking it. Long live Vitamin Water, whores.
Live it. Feel free to post your own thoughts of what's bitchin and what ain't in the comments section. Don't contradict me though; my opinions are actually facts of the universe.
BITCHIN' (in no particular order)
Banana Bags - For those not in the know, these little gems are the perfect thing to bring you back after that legendary bender. I was introduced to these babies by the nurse in the ER after my most recent alcohol poisioning. I think Costco should carry these in bulk. I'd buy.
Bacon Omlets - Think about it. It must suck to live in Israel.
Strap Perfect - Possibly the best thing I've "Seen on TV" since the Clapper, which is nuclear retarded, by the way. Why weren't these ads running on TV when I was growing up. I had to settle for the lingere selection in the J.C. Penny catalog.
Johnny Cash - The legend. I'll listen to him over Pete Townshend 4 out of 5 days and 6 out of 5 if I'm drinkin'. That man was the original G.
Laundry Service - I think resort to stealing dry spaghetti to eat before I'd give up my dollars allocated to this burden buster.
ANTI-BITCHIN' (in no particular order)
Retail Sticks - What are up with these? Fashionable? I'd rank them right up there with non-rasberry berets. I can barely stand the thought of these being SOLD in a store. Hell, the pioneers would have been the most fashionable game in town if they lived in the modern day. I think I'll got out behind my house and fell a tree. Then I'm going to cut it up and dump the whole motherload of sticks, logs, stumps, and roots in my living room and proclaim it the new pink. Hold your breath...
Inline Skates - Seriously.
Pittsburg - This city really grinds my gears. It makes Flint, Michigan look like Beverly Hills. Anyone else up for sacrificing this city to the volcano gods? I don't care how many bridges it has, it sucks. So do the Steelers, my new #1 anti-bitchin team.
France - No explanation needed. Nick Sarkozy...suck it. And how did you score Carla Bruni? Ruffiecolada no doubt.
'G' - Seen these commercials? It's Gatorade. Cat's out of the bag. I can't believe Lil' Wayne would stoop to this. I had high hopes, too. Anything would be better. Satellite phones, army surplus, a travel agency specializing in Pirate seeing trips off the coast of Somalia...This sucks and I will not be drinking it. Long live Vitamin Water, whores.
Live it. Feel free to post your own thoughts of what's bitchin and what ain't in the comments section. Don't contradict me though; my opinions are actually facts of the universe.
hold on, so on the retail sticks part - are you saying "raspberry berets" are bitchin?
ReplyDeleteI'll just say they aren't anti-bitchin...
ReplyDelete